Birthing Beautiful Ideas

This past weekend, Tim and I finally had the opportunity to watch Away We Go.

(Yes, I realize that the cobwebs have already begun collecting on the movie and its many reviews.  It’s just that babysitters and movies–and yes, I’ll admit, vats of popcorn loaded with liquid-that-sorta-resembles-butter–are really damn expensive.  Or at least they’re more expensive than Netflix and a bowl of Orville Redenbacher after the kids have gone to bed.  So anything that I have to say about a movie has to be dated at least a couple of months.)

Anyway.

While I thought that the film was cute–a few moving and/or hysterical moments here, a scattered script there, and all sorts of questions about how the hell two ostensibly poor and expectant parents could afford a cross-country trip to find the perfect place to raise their children–I was more than disturbed by the pot shots the film seemed to take at extended breastfeeding, baby-wearing, co-sleeping, doulas, midwives, and even SIMONE DE BEAUVOIR!

(If you didn’t already know, I’m a pro-breastfeeding, babywearing doula who’s writing her dissertation on Simone de Beauvoir’s ethics.  Talk about uncanny!)

Don’t get me wrong–I know that the screenwriters and Sam Mendes (the film’s director) were attempting to satirize a specific (and stereotyped) version of motherhood and parenting through Maggie Gyllenhaal’s character.  And it is quite likely that there are  real parents who, like MG’s character, shame others for their reasonable parenting decisions (like pushing their children in strollers), who elevate co-sleeping and baby-wearing to the point of bizarro fetishes, and who maintain an oblivious-to-privilege, holier-than-thou stance about all of their own parenting choices.  (Did I get that right, people-who-have-seen-the-movie?)

But what the film seemed to do was place all of the MG character’s practices (i.e. extended breastfeeding, baby-wearing, doula-hiring, etc.) all within the provenance of THE CRAZIES* and their CRAZY birthing, child-rearing, and philosophical ideas.  (*Yep, I realize that’s an ableist term, but I think that’s exactly the sort of term that Vendela Vida and Dave Eggers must have had in mind when they wrote MG’s character.)

What’s more, it seemed that this character’s CRAZIEST decision was that she refused to push her children in a stroller.  SHE WORE THEM IN A WRAP OR SLING INSTEAD!!!

(Okay, I’ll admit.  It was pretty silly and weird that she wouldn’t even allow a stroller into her house.)

Even though MG’s performance was even downright hilarious (as was the moment where John Krasinski’s character put one of her kids in a stroller and pushed him around the dining room, much to the kid’s enjoyment), I wish that the film had portrayed her decision to “baby-wear” (among other things) as not so…well, crazy.

BECAUSE BABY-WEARING A REALLY PRACTICAL THING TO DO.

And you don’t have to make the decision to do so because of a new-agey philosophy about parenting and the bond between children and their caregivers.

You don’t have to fit any particular type (or stereotype) of parenthood to enjoy a sling or a wrap.

I would even go so far as to say that you shouldn’t make the decision to use a sling or a wrap because you like to exoticize other cultures who use slings and/or wraps.

(And I think it should be clear to everyone that the choice to “baby-wear” does not rule out the choice to also use a stroller.  HA!)

But there are some practical reasons for using slings and wraps–reasons that have nothing to do with “NOT WANTING TO PUSH YOUR CHILDREN AWAY FROM YOU” and nothing to do with embodying the utter silliness of the character in Away We Go.

BABY-WEARING IS ALSO FOR:

NEW PARENTS WHO LIKE TO EAT AT A TABLE–PERHAPS EVEN WITH THE REST OF THEIR FAMILY!

• Baby-wearing can make family dinners at the dinner-table possible during those first few trying newborn weeks.  In my experience, those squirmy, squishy bundles of joy do not like to be anywhere but someone’s arms for very long stretches of time.  Snuggle a newborn up in a sling, and you can have a semi-hands-free (and possibly no-crying-baby) dinner.

NEW PARENTS WHO LIKE TO DO THINGS SUCH AS WALKING AROUND THE HOUSE AND GETTING A SNACK WITHOUT WORRYING THAT A BABY IS ABOUT TO SCREAM BLOODY MURDER AND WITHOUT HOLDING SAID BABY IN ONE ARM WHILE THEY TRY VALIANTLY YET AWKWARDLY TO MAKE A SANDWICH

• A’s sling is what made caring for a newborn and a toddler possible for me during those first few weeks after he was born. My particular toddler (M) wanted a snack or a hug or a diaper change or a book read to him just about every thirteen seconds.  And I (a mom breastfeeding a newborn) wanted something to eat or drink just about every fourteen seconds.  And A (my newborn) liked to be snuggled every second.  Carrying him in a sling made him content (and even sleepy), and it gave me the mobility to walk around the house and perform nearly 90% of the tasks that I was used to performing.  You know.  Tasks like eating.  Getting things down off of shelves.  Handing my other kid a snack.  Even sending emails.  All without worrying about putting the baby down and risking unleashing a banshee upon the house.

A (two months old) enjoys berry-picking from the comfort of his sling.

MOMS WHO WANT TO BREASTFEED “HANDS-FREE”

• I’ll be the first to admit that I never developed the coordination or the sling-savviness to nurse my baby while walking around with him in a sling.  Maybe I had the wrong sling or wrap.  Maybe my kids just preferred other nursing positions.  Or maybe I’m just really, really uncoordinated.  But lots of other mothers have great success with nursing-while-baby-wearing.  Check out their demonstrations and their tips for breastfeeding and baby-wearing.

PARENTS WHO WOULD LIKE TO GO TO PUBLIC PLACES (ESPECIALLY TWO+ STORY BUILDINGS) WITHOUT HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT WHERE THE NEAREST ELEVATOR IS SO THAT THEY CAN HAUL THEIR STROLLER UP ONE OR TWO OR TEN MORE FLOORS

• This was a big issue for me because M (my older child) has a really intense fear of elevators.  So when we’d go to the university or to a museum or even to a mall, we generally tried to take the stairs or an escalator.  This was not possible with a stroller.  (And yes, I found it super-annoying to have to go to that creepy place in the back of JC Penney’s to ride the rickety elevator just so that I could get the stroller I was pushing up one level in the mall.  Yep, I’m a spoiled brat, and no, I was never under the impression that malls were the most accessibility-friendly places on the planet.)  In any case, wearing A in a sling or wrap or even front-pack carrier helped me to navigate public places with so much more ease than if I were pushing him in a stroller.  And that’s because baby-wearing is escalator and stairway friendly.  Hell, it’s even HIKING friendly!  In fact, when A was just 11 months old (and M was 3 1/2), we took the kids on a one-and-a-half mile hike through Glen Helen in Yellow Springs, OH.  Obviously, with an almost-toddler who wasn’t even taking his first steps yet, this would have been nearly impossible without a sling.  And besides being a practical way to hike with a small child, the toddler-toting part of the hike was quite fun.

"Slingin' it" on a 1.5 mile hike

So at the very least, even if you and your family decide that slings or wraps are “not for you,” please know that they aren’t just for self-righteous, pretentious parental caricatures.  They’re for practical parents “too”!

(Oh!  There are also reported psychological and health benefits to sling- and wrap-use–even MORE of a practical impetus to try out baby-wearing!)

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Tips on choosing and using a baby-wearing product:

The sling pictured above is an adjustable fleece pouch-sling from Kangaroo Korner.  We had borrowed friends’ ring slings in the past, and we also had tried out a Baby Bjorn, but we found the most “baby-wearing success” in our family with the pouch sling.  (Kangaroo Korner has great resource for comparing different types of baby-wearing products based on a child’s age, the parents’ sizes, the climate they live in, etc.)

Admittedly, slings and wraps can be expensive, and most families (like ours) cannot afford to buy lots of different types of slings just to “try them out” and “see if they will work.”

Borrowing slings or wraps from friends can be a great (and inexpensive) way to test out baby-wearing products and find which one(s) work best for your family.  Many people (who are way craftier than I am) also sew their own slings, which is far less expensive than purchasing one.  There are quite a few online resources (such as this one) which offer instructions for creating your own sling or wrap.

Finally, please make sure to read and follow the manufacturer’s instructions before using any baby-wearing product.