A Friendly PSA to Help Your Very Pregnant Friends
I posted this message on my Facebook page yesterday, and I think it bears repeating here:
Have a friend who is near or past her estimated due date? Call her today and say NOTHING about babies, pregnancy, or labor. Invite her to lunch, or to a museum, or out for a pedicure, or for coffee (SCANDALOUS). And if she’s not picking up the phone, make sure that your message doesn’t include the phrase, “WHEN’S THAT BABY GONNA BE BORN?!”
I’m serious.
"The next time someone asks me if the baby is here yet, I'm gonna chuck this apple at their head."
Because when you have an eight pound bowling ball in your abdomen (and let’s be clear, it’s not just that the bowling ball is “under your shirt”–it’s rather in your abdomen and on your bladder and kicking your ribs and stretching your skin) you are more than aware of the fact said bowling ball has not evacuated your uterus yet. And the last thing you need is a bunch of presumably well-meaning jokesters (or presumably well-meaning and inquisitive friends and family members) drawing attention to the fact that YES, YOU ARE STILL PREGNANT.
Trust me, when a woman is still pregnant, she knows.
To avoid the stress or anxiety sometimes caused by these conversations, some people take to screening all of their phone calls during the last weeks of pregnancy. Some even create an answering machine message proclaiming that “No, the baby isn’t here yet, but we’ll call you when s/he is here.” And still others report due dates that are one or two or even three weeks “off” to prevent these “are you still pregnant” calls.
(Many also send their inquirers to the enormously helpful website, Have have you had that baby yet? Try it. You might love it.)
But what most women prefer at the end of their pregnancies–what they might even love–is a diversion from the fact that they haven’t had their baby yet.
A day out with friends. A conversation that doesn’t revolve around their uterus. An outing that is affirming and fun and, if they so desire, a celebration of the impending arrival of their baby. A respect for the fact that babies come when they’re ready, and that many arrive after their estimated due dates.
So try it. Invite your very pregnant friend out for tea or a hike or a movie or whatever is it that she loves doing, and don’t mention anything about babies, pregnancy, or labor unless she brings it up.
She (and you) might love it.
* Image credit Tilemahos Efthiamiadis on flickr.
Yes.
Also, what a beautiful image! I hadn’t seen that painting before.
This is such fantastic advice. I think that people get caught up in the baby excitement and forget to acknowledge that moms, including expecting moms are still people! Thanks for the reminder. I’ll be sure to point pregnant friends and family your way if they need help giving friends and family a clue.
Ann Becker-Schutte´s last [type] ..The Courage of Everyday Living
This is exactly it–that people forget that expecting moms are still PEOPLE instead of womb pods.
(And trust me, I understand how exciting it can be when a baby’s birth is imminent.)
Awesome post and great advice! Sharing…
Crystal – Prenatal Coach´s last [type] ..Preconception Health & Fertility- What Your Doctor Didn’t Tell You
Yes! This is why I’m not even telling people my due “date” this time. Instead I’m just saying end of October/beginning of November. I figure if people don’t have an exact date to focus on they might be a little less obnoxious. I still expect to get a lot of comments at my family’s big Halloween party though.
Awesome! Definitely was feeling that when Maxwell was two weeks late. “Get induced so he’s born on Christmas!”
What pregnant women wouldn’t want a day or a conversation that isn’t pertaining to being pregnant! Great post!!
Thank you! This 40w2d (and oh-so-aware-of-it) mama thanks you!
Rock on, Shoshanah! Here’s hoping that someone you love treats you to some non-pregnancy related conversation or activities in the time before your baby arrives!
Great reminder! Mamas aren’t just incubators with timers… let’s pay attention to the WHOLE person and all of her needs.
It’s so true. And being a woman who was pregnant for 42-43 weeks I’d have say that treating a woman like she is about to explode is so annoying. People didn’t want to go places with me because they were afraid I was going to spontaneously combust or something.
I really disliked that.
[...] Birthing Beautiful Ideas, Kristen has a very important PSA for the friends and family of women who are near or past their estimated due date: “Call her [...]
Great advice… I’m typing with one hand and cradling my nursing one-week old son who came a week “late”. I had my husband screen calls for me when all the grandparents kept calling to check in. Everything becomes so focused on the due date that any normal conversation is really welcome.
Aww, congratulations Brooke!
Amen!! Most excellent post. My guy was 12 days “late” and you’d think that was the only thing happening on earth from what people talked about around me. I would have loved that link at the time. I think I’ll avoid sharing the date next time around, just in case