Equal Opportunity Onslaught
Dear Guys, Daddies, Menfolk, Fathers, Dudes:
Are you worried about your work and family-life balance? With a career such as yours and children at home, you must be worried about balance. Why aren’t you finding balance? Why are you so frazzled? Now that you’re able to juggle a career and kids and a home and a marriage, do you finally feel as if men have it all? Are men able to have it all? Why don’t you have it all? Shouldn’t you have it all? If you need help with planning family meals, I can send you ten links for crock pot dinners, a Pinterest board filled with healthy meals for your family, and a calendar that will help you organize your meal plan. But make sure you’re buying only organic, free-range, gluten-free, dairy-free foods, why aren’t you buying this type of food already? If you’re concerned about your sex life, I have a list of twenty ways to please your woman. Don’t you want to please her? Why aren’t you doing enough in the sack? What about home decor and landscaping and family budgeting and the cookies that need to be baked for the school Halloween party and daycare? These messages are branded for you so these things must be your responsibility and why aren’t you getting them done with homemade, wholesome, organic goodness? Are your children involved in enough activities? Are they overscheduled? Are you thinking enough about your children? Are you worried about this upcoming business trip? You’ll have to leave the kids at home, doesn’t that make you worried? Shouldn’t you be worried? Don’t you feel like you have it all yet? How much paternity leave will you get once the new baby is born? Have you thought about paternity leave? Have you asked your employer about it? What about breastfeeding? How can you support breastfeeding despite not having enough support in the hospital and not enough paid parental leave and not enough public visibility and support for breastfeeding in the first place? Why is it so difficult to give your baby breastmilk? Don’t you know it’s best? Why aren’t you doing what’s best for your baby? Why aren’t you doing what’s best for all of your children? Why aren’t you doing what’s best for you? Why aren’t you doing yoga and making only home cooked meals and getting massages and having weekly date nights and going out with the guys and exercising enough and losing weight and getting fit for your woman and savoring every single second with your children and eliminating stress from your life and creating a perfectly manicured lawn and making that adorable craft that you saw on the internet? Why isn’t your body perfect? Why isn’t your life perfect? Don’t you feel like you have it all yet? Is this the year that men can finally have it all? How do you manage having a career and a family? How do you do it all? You must be so busy with work and kids, how do you do it all? Do you ever want to stay at home with your kids? Do you stay at home with your kids? Aren’t you so lucky to be able to relax at home every day with your kids? Isn’t staying at home so peaceful and relaxing? Aren’t you lucky that you don’t have to work? Is staying at home really working? Isn’t it nice to have so much time on your hands when you stay with the kids at home? Don’t you miss work? When are you going to have it all? Don’t you have it all yet? When are you going to feel completely satisfied with your life? Haven’t we come a long way? Do you have it all? Don’t you feel like you have it all yet?