Navigating the Milky Waters of Breastfeeding Advice 23
I’m writing this post under a virtual clear plastic tarp in hopes that it will protect me from all of the rotten tomatoes, Similac-filled water balloons, and laser beams of disgust that are about to get hurled my way.
You see, I’ve been wondering about something deep inside the dark and labyrinthine confines of my mind lately–something about which I have some basic thoughts and intuitions, but nothing all that substantial. And now, I’d like to wonder about it out loud:
What is the “right way” for a breastfeeding advocate/lactivist/what-have-you to mention or even suggest continued supplemental feedings/part-time breastfeeding/what-have-you to a mother who has been bamboozled by “booby traps” and appears to be on the verge of giving up breastfeeding altogether? Is there ever (or never) a “right way” or “right time” for any self-respecting lactivist to do this?
(Please email me to let me know where I can pick up my award for the “world’s most convoluted question.”)
Now before someone cries, “BUT THIS SUGGESTION IN AND OF ITSELF IS A BOOBY TRAP AND UNDERMINES THAT MOTHER’S BREASTFEEDING RELATIONSHIP WITH HER BABY,” let me say two things: I know this. And I worry about it. But allow me to go over a few of the qualifiers in my question:
- I’m not talking about women who are at the very beginning (i.e. the first few days or even weeks) of their breastfeeding journeys.
- I’m not talking about women who are just beginning to seek out breastfeeding advice.
- I’m not talking about women who are currently and actively committed to maintaining (or even achieving) exclusive breastfeeding.
- I’m not even talking about women who are currently and actively committed to maintaining part-time nursing.
I’m talking about women who have tried, and tried, and tried to breastfeed exclusively: who have seen or spoken to lactation consultants (including, one hopes, an IBCLC), who have sought out peer-to-peer support (from nursing friends or at La Leche League meetings), and who have scoured books and online resources (such as Kellymom) for breastfeeding advice.
I’m talking about women who were “booby trapped” at the hospital (“you’re not making enough milk!”) or at home (“why don’t you just feed the baby a bottle and get some sleep?”) or among friends (“um, gross, can you do that somewhere else?!”).
I’m talking about women who were coerced or misled into offering their babies formula and who now must fight tooth and nail (and nipple!) to re-establish an exclusive breastfeeding relationship.
I’m talking about women who might not prioritize breastfeeding the way a breastfeeding advocate like myself would, and those who might also have health or financial or family or personal issues that I never had to face in my challenging yet still relatively smooth efforts to exclusively breastfeed both of my babies.
I’m talking about women who, for whatever reason, might not have the time, or the energy, or the resources, or even the desire to follow all of the advice and instructions that their lactation consultants and/or breastfeeding support groups have given them.
I’m talking about women who are this close to giving up breastfeeding entirely.
And I’m talking about meeting women “where they are”–not in the place that I want them to be, not in the place that they could be if they had started with better nursing support in the hospital or the doctor’s office or at home, but where they are.
I’m talking about saying to them, “Hey! If part-time breastfeeding is the way you need to go, then GO FOR IT! Do what you CAN! You are AMAZING for all of the efforts you’ve made to feed your baby!”
Sure, their milk supplies will dwindle if they don’t maintain their efforts to achieve exclusive breastfeeding. But maybe they and their babies will enjoy the small comforts (and even benefits) of a couple nursing sessions each day, even if nursing only lasts for a few more weeks than they were planning.
Maybe they’ll even start enjoying breastfeeding for the first time ever.
Maybe they’ll learn to enjoy these small comforts so much that they’ll approach breastfeeding the next time (if there is another child some day) with more (or at least a different sort of) confidence in themselves and their bodies.
Maybe they’ll talk to their friends about breastfeeding in a way that is not entirely negative.
Maybe instead of saying, “I couldn’t do it,” they’ll say, “This is what I can do.”
These all seem like possibilities–ones that might not be part of a perfect world of universal (and socially and culturally supported) exclusive breastfeeding, but ones that might be the best possibilities that some women can hope for in the booby trap-ridden world in which many of us live.
What do you think? Is there ever a time and place to suggest to a new mother who is about to quit breastfeeding, to whom you have given all your best books, resources, and IBCLC recommendations, and who has tried her damndest to work her way out of whatever booby traps she has come across, “You know, you can still breastfeed part of the time and supplement with formula the rest of the time. Your milk supply will ultimately dwindle, and you might and your baby might not get all the same benefits that exclusive breastfeeding offers, but you both would still get some benefits!“
If you are a mother who switched to exclusive formula-feeding early on in your child’s infancy, do you wish that you would have heard something like this from a breastfeeding supporter before you stopped nursing? Did you ever hear anything like this? Did you ever entertain the option of attempting part-time breastfeeding for the long-run (or as long as you could)?
Or is my out-loud wondering (gulp) just doing even more to booby trap new mothers?
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If you are a nursing mother who is at the end of her nursing-rope, please consider seeking out these resources before stopping breastfeeding entirely. You might find that the breastfeeding support you need is right around the corner–or just a click away!
Kellymom – information and articles on nearly every topic related to breastfeeding, and online forums supporting all nursing mothers
Best for Babes - articles and public service campaigns devoted to helping moms avoid “booby traps” and working to break down the social, cultural, and institutional barriers to breastfeeding
La Leche League International - information and support for breastfeeding, with links local peer support groups and meetings
