Birthing Beautiful Ideas

This week, I reached goal #15 on my list of “29 accomplishments, events, and loves to anticipate before I reach the big 3-0″:  I finally created doula business cards and began advertising more prominently in the Columbus, OH area.

I actually think the cards themselves are quite lovely (and quite inexpensive, thanks to Vista Print).

If you’re in the Columbus area, you should be able to find them at various Panera Community Boards (a seemingly fantastic promotion space for doulas) and soon at the North Market and any other store, restaurant, or community board that will let me promote myself to my heart’s content.

I also created a doula profile on DoulaMatch.net.  It’s yet another great space for (online) self-promotion, and it even allows former clients to write testimonials.  (If you’re in need of a doula, you can also check out the site to search for birth or postpartum doulas based on your zip code, state or province, or even a doula’s name and/or availability.)

And finally, I added a “doula services” page to this here ‘ol blog.  It’s not as fancy as a website, but it will do for now.  I mean, I get all sorts of hits to my blog from people searching for a “Columbus Ohio doula.”  Why not allow those Googlers to get what they’re looking for when they come here?

So a round of huzzahs for self-promotion, and another round of huzzahs for me taking initiative in this last year of my twenties.

And with the hope that this won’t make me sound like an all-too-eager-birth-vampire (waiting for the bizarre search terms to start coming my way with that imagery), here’s hoping that I have lots of amazing births to anticipate this year!

Every single one of them.

Whether they’re asking difficult questions or making difficult decisions or planning for their birth or coping beautifully with contractions or showing unimaginable strength in an unexpected birth situation, they continue to astound and inspire me.

And one of my current clients recently did something that makes me so proud that I feel the need to share it here.

J* (my client) is expecting her first child in late spring.  She is very well-informed about childbirth and has chosen to give birth at an in-hospital birth center that offers (and routinely does) water births.  Although she has already toured the birth center, she and her husband made the decision to tour the hospital’s Labor and Delivery Unit as well so that she could get a better sense of what to expect there just in case unforeseen circumstances prevent her from birthing at the birth center.

This is what she wrote to me about her experience during the hospital tour:

So we went on our tour of [the hospital's Labor & Delivery Unit] last night.  We had been to the Birthing Center [tour]which focuses solely on the birthing center but I wanted to check out the rest in case the Birthing Center ends up not being an option for us. 

 

Anyways, we were in the labor and delivery room and one of the husbands asked if “all the horror stories about epidurals are true?”  The nurse said that the epidural is safe but like any intervention there are risks associated with them.  And that was all she said.  So I asked her if they had any information available about the risks associated with epidural use and she said “well the Anesthesiologist would go over it that day.”  SO I replied, “Well the thing is I don’t think I will be able to make an informed decision while in the middle of labor about the benefits and risks of this procedure so it would be nice if there were a way for people to find out the risks associated before hand.”  I was mainly asking for the benefit of the other couples because I know how to find the information and will do the research in advance….I was hoping that helping them find the resources and encouraging them to read up before hand would help them make an informed decision.  Although the other couples may have thought I was a bit nuts – I was asking about intermittent monitoring, freedom of movement during labor, ability to eat and drink at will, and need for IV’s.   The nurse knew i wanted to do [the in-hospital birth center] so she kept saying “well at [the Birth Center] things are different” and I said “I realize this but if I don’t end up in [the Birth Center] I want to know what my options are here.”

 

1. She set a great example by following up on the one father’s particular question which asked about the potential risks and benefits of routine hospital interventions.  In other words, she did not allow an overly general answer about the risks of a major intervention to suffice.  And while some of the parents on the tour may have dismissed her as “one of those natural childbirth freaks,” I would bet that there was at least one parent (and perhaps more) who may have been inspired to ask similar questions or to research their birth options in more detail.
2. She shed light on the issue of informed consent.  As she rightly pointed out, in order to give truly informed consent, one must be apprised of the potential benefits and risks of any suggested or recommended procedure.  And as J also pointed out, active labor is not the best time to weigh the pros and cons of any particular birth intervention.  Thus, her questions were in no way intended to convey the idea that epidurals are “bad.”  Instead, they were intended to convey the idea that not giving women and their partners accurate and thorough information about epidurals is “bad.”
3. In that same vein, J illuminated the fact that it is very difficult to give truly informed consent when one is in the midst of active labor, especially when one is at the point of really wanting an epidural.  (For what it’s worth, even though I had an unmedicated birth, there were a couple of times during my labor where if I hadn’t a) prepared for a natural childbirth, b) had access to some non-pharmeceutical comfort measures to help cope with contractions, and c) known the risks of epidurals ahead of time, I would have likely shouted, “YEAH, YEAH, I DON’T CARE IF THAT EPIDURAL TURNS MY EYEBALLS INTO WALNUTS, JUST GIVE ME THE DRUGS!”)  In other words, in order to best honor the concept of informed consent, one should strive to educate others (and oneself) about the pros and cons of birth interventions before and not during labor.

I am honored and excited to have a guest post up today at Fresh Cracked Pepper.  Perhaps not surprisingly, I managed to turn Jen’s (FCP’s author) request for a post on a favorite muffin recipe into a reflection on the first few weeks after M was born.  But I promise, there is a post about muffins–recipe included–buried somewhere in my story!

raisin bran muffins, ready for baking

If you go to Fresh Cracked Pepper to read the post–and you should, not just to see my mother’s recipe for raisin bran muffins but also to delve into Jen’s delectable recipes and equally delectable writing–you’ll see that I describe how Tim’s mother and my mother cared for us as made our foray into parenthood.

They cooked for us, they cleaned for us, and they held our colicky baby so that we could get a solid hour or two’s worth of sleep.

They gave us advice, praise, and encouragement, which were all especially helpful to us as Tim changed all of M’s diapers and studied for his law school finals and as I struggled to recover from a c-section, to breastfeed, and to grade 75 student papers all before my son turned three weeks old.

What Tim and I didn’t know at the time–because we had never even heard of the term at the time–was that our mothers were serving a role similar to that of a postpartum doula.

Postpartum doulas are trained to offer support to parents in the weeks following a baby’s birth.  They can help teach parents how to bathe an infant or how to take a rectal temperature; they can do light housework and prepare meals for a family; and they can offer nonjudgmental support, encouragement, and, when necessary, referrals to the appropriate health professionals.

So just as a birth doula is trained to “mother the mother” during labor, a postpartum doula is trained to “mother the family” during the newborn weeks.

In fact, the very role of postpartum doulas helps to point out that newborns aren’t the only people who need attentive and loving parenting–new parents need (and deserve) attentive and loving “parenting” as well!

This can come not only from a postpartum doula but also from a friend who delivers meals to the house, a neighbor who volunteers to do a few loads of laundry, or, if you’re lucky like Tim and I were, a knowledgeable and loving parent who can pass their wisdom and skills down to you.

And just as every woman deserves the type and level of labor support that she desires, every family deserves the type and level of postpartum support that they desire.

If you are interested in hiring a postpartum doula, you can start your search with DONA International and/or Doula Match.

I will be neither the first nor the last person to draw comparisons between birth and marathons.

And I will certainly not be the first nor last blogger to address this analogy.

Rixa Freeze at Stand and Deliver, for instance, offers a beautiful and inspiring metaphorical story documenting the physical, mental, and emotional preparation that the story’s character “Ann” undertakes before running a marathon.  It’s the sort of a preparation that leaves her proclaiming, ”I can do it. I am strong. I am ready” as she stretches before the race. 

Just the sorts of affirmations that any birthing woman should be able to say to herself before welcoming her child into the world.

And then the blogger at Raising My Boychick gives a compelling account of both the misogynistic implications of comparing birth to athletics and the potentially empowering implications this comparison could have if the needs and autonomy of birthing women were respected just as much as the needs and autonomy of certain athletes.

Just the sort of respect that birthing women deserve.

But despite the fact that both bloggers (and many others) have pursued the birth/marathon analogy with remarkable depth, critique, and insight, I would like to add my perspective–a doula’s perspective–to the multitude of analyses and musings on this issue.

Because after witnessing my husband complete his first marathon last week, and after watching hundreds of other people sometimes triumphantly, other times agonizingly, and always inspirationally cross the finish line, my “doula’s attention” was drawn immediately to birth–and not necessarily toward how the physical, mental, and emotional work of a marathon is comparable to labor (although I’m sure in many ways it is) but instead toward what good labor support can offer to birthing women.

In the hours after the race, Tim told me how at all the major mile markers–the half-marathon mark, the 18 mile mark, the 26 mile mark (before the last .2 miles) and so on–there were volunteers whose primary job was to cheer on the runners.  And this was even in addition to the loved ones and general public who were there to see their friends and family run.

They’d remind the runners of how far they’d already come.  They’d remind the runners of how far (or how little) they had to go.  They’d share feelings of pride and excitement and awe with, for the most part, complete strangers running past them.  People they neither knew nor would likely see again.

Of course, I’m sure some runners may have “tuned” out the cheers, either with iPods or with their own internalized focus and awareness–that is, the internal tools they used to accomplish their goal.  (Must like hypnobirthing, I might add!)

But I’m also pretty sure their encouragement carried some runners right through those last strenuous miles.

Tim experienced this particularly in those last few tenths of a mile, where the volunteers were strategically placed to exclaim, “The finish line is just right past that hill up there!  Just run over that hill, and you’ll be there!  You can do it!  We’re so proud of you!  Just keep going!”

It’s what I’ve said to a woman in the throes of transition.  Or at least it’s remarkably close to what I’ve said.  (Without the shouting, of course!)

The pride and awe and encouragement is what doulas and other labor support people all over the world offer to women as they give birth.

And as my eyes welled with tears–as I felt the deepest awe and respect not only for my husband and the runners there that day but also for every woman who has welcomed a child into the world, no matter how she has done it–I said:

“Every woman deserves that sort of support during labor.  I want every birthing woman to experience the sort of encouragement and awe and celebration that you and the other runners received today.”

Really.

We deserve it.

You deserve it.

Whether it’s from a partner or a midwife or a nurse or a friend or family member or, yes, a doula, all birthing woman deserve the encouragement and awe and excitement and celebration that I witnessed at that marathon.

They’ve warned their viewers to be cautious of birth doulas, who run the risk of “getting in the way” of the hospital staff during labor and delivery. 

They’ve given ample air-time–and little fact-checking–to Hanna Rosin’s inane comments about the “weak” science regarding the “supposed” benefits of breastfeeding.  (My comments–and citations of the relevant research–on that inanity are here.)

And just yesterday, The Today Show aired a segment entitled “The Perils of Midwifery”in which they not only exploited the pain and grief of a couple and their tragic experience with stillbirth during a homebirth but also had the audacity to describe homebirth and those who choose homebirth as “extreme,” “hedonistic,” and part of a celebrity culture in which women seek a birth akin to a “spa-like experience.”

Many of my favorite birth bloggers have already written incisive, pointed, and even witty critiques of this piece (of bullshit):

• Science and Sensibility’s Amy Romano criticizes not only The Today Show’s characterizations of women who seek homebirth (citing research both from Rixa Freeze and from the Childbirth Connection’s Listening to Mothers II Survey) but also  the hospital  policies that deprive women of what Lamaze International considers to be The Six Healthy Birth Practices.
• Rixa at Stand and Deliver writes a funny (yet pointed) critique of the segment.  She also provides links to and quotes from some other excellent analyses of and responses to the piece, including one from the American College of Nurse Midwives.
• Reality Rounds has an extremely witty take on the segment, illustrating one of the many ways in which humor can be one of the best forms of searing criticism.  (My favorite comment of hers is in response to that ridiculous spa-treatment comparison, in which she writes, “Yes, I will have my full body avocado massage while I am crowning please.”  HA!)
• And It’s Your Birth Right, the Enjoy Birth Blog, and The Unnecesarean (among others) all point out the “coincidental” timing of The Today Show’s piece–for it aired on the very same day that ACOG released the results of a survey in which the respondents reported that “as the negative state of the medical liability environment continues, ob-gyns across the US are forced to make changes to their practice that ultimately hurt patients.”

I must say that the sensationalism of this story–its doomsday rhetoric, its exploitation of a grieving couple’s tragedy, its blatant avoidance of any relevant research on homebirth and midwifery–has once and for all revealed The Today Show’s to have an utter lack of respect of responsible journalism.

But–for the sake of argument, let’s just assume that they have some strange attachment to consistency–perhaps they should commit themselves wholeheartedly to sensationalist and irresponsible journalism on birth.  Across the board.  On all fronts.

Perhaps they should air an equally doomsday, exploitative, and under-researched segment on “The Perils of Epidurals” in which they look at the recent death of an Ohio mother who died after allegedly contracting meningitis from the anesthesiologist who was present her child’s birth.  (This physician allegedly infected an another mother as well.  And while the stories I have read have not elaborated on the circumstances much, I am assuming that the anesthesiologist must have come in contact with this mother in order to administer an epidural or spinal for labor or for a cesarean section.) 

Matt Lauer could refer to epidurals (which, admittedly, do have rare but serious risks) as EXTREME DRUGS that mothers should only take when they want to FLIRT WITH DANGER just so that they can have a SPA-LIKE EXPERIENCE DURING THEIR LABOR!  Really, women who get epidurals must have some sort of DEATH WISH!!!  And the only reason that they are signing up for epidurals in record numbers is that KATIE HOLMES HAD ONE!!!  And don’t all the women of the world make their birthing choices based on what celebrities do?!?!?!?!

Sheesh.

As I’ve said before (and I’ll say again), PLEASE.  A little more respect!

Nine days ago, I embarked on a journey to which I will dedicate myself for the next 81 days.  It is an extreme program (or Xtreme), one that I hope will transform my body into a lean, mean, ass-whooping machine by mid-summer.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am BRINGIN’ IT with the freakishly enthusiastic Tony Horton and his collection of P90X workouts.  This is the P90X of infomerical fame (an infomercial that I haven’t yet seen, which is surprising given the fact that I am the proud owner of a box of orange and pink Sham-tastic German cloths).  This is the P90X that, supposedly, will melt away the squidgey parts of my post-baby body.   (Do I still get to call it that even though A is one year old?)  IT IS THE P90X THAT WILL GET ME INTO THE BEST SHAPE OF MY LIFE!

And how, you may ask?  (I ask this question to those of you–all two or three of you–who have not yet seen or heard of this strangely motivating workout.)

Military-style push-ups from which I have yet to actually push myself up.  (I have performed some lovely face-plants into the carpet, however.)  A whole “plyometric” workout (that’s a workout focused on jumping, for those of you who don’t yet BRING IT) that has twice ended with me alternating my two favorite cursewords (hint hint, they rhyme with “bit” and “duck”) as I pretend to squat and hurl jump shots toward the television screen.  A “yoga” workout (in scare quotes since it is anything but centering and relaxing) that has “forced” me to flip the bird at Tony Horton (the helsman of the P90X workout DVDs) multiple times.

If you want more–if you want to get a glimpse at how I’m BRINGIN’ IT–you should check this out:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIyjnyHj1mk]

Yeah.  Badass.

In all seriousness, I’ve been amazed at how often I’ve needed to draw upon various comfort techniques I used during labor to get through some of these workouts.  For instance, Tony himself (I’ve cursed enough “in front of” him that I feel as if we can be on a first-name basis) continually draws upon the mantra that “You can do anything for 30 seconds” or “You can do anything for one minute.”  Just like contractions–you can get through them and work through them if you take them one at a time.

Moreover, Tony often encourages “me” to relax my face, neck, and shoulders during various exercises.  My guess is that doing so allows the P90X-er to focus her or his attention on the muscles and body parts that should be working and not to waste unnecessary energy on tensing up other body parts.  Just like during labor–your uterus can work much more effectively when you allow it to work by relaxing the rest of your body and not tensing up your face, your mouth, your arms, your legs, etc. and forcing all of your blood  to your extremeties.

In fact, the hypnobirthing program that I used–and many other childbirth education resources, for that matter–emphasizes the idea that labor itself is much like an intense workout and should be viewed as pain with a purpose, much like the unbearable burning I get in my legs when I’m doing double-time squat jumps with my crazy-eyed exercise doula, Tony Horton.

And while I will be the first to admit that I was not always “welcoming” my “surges” (I’m sure I muttered a few “bits” and “ducks” during my labor), there were moments where I took up the perspective of an athlete, one who could think to herself, “Hell YEAH, I’m kicking ASS” even as I simultaneously wondered whether I could really “do it” at all.  And there was something very powerful about transforming my perspective on childbirth such that I could be excited about the powerful work that my body was doing and in awe of its energy.

So just like childbirth, I need my “doula” (i.e. crazy-eyed Tony Horton and his bizarro humor) and my coping techniques (in this case, my affirmations and mantras and relaxation and cursewords) to get the results that I want.  And just like A’s birth–I’m BRINGIN’ IT.  (Okay, “in all seriousness” was a lie…)

In (belated) recognition of International Doula Month, I’d like to extend my appreciation and respect to all doulas all across the globe.  Birth doulas  provide an invaluable service to pregnant and laboring mothers, and postpartum doulas provide an equally invaluable service to new moms–even if (and sometimes especially if) they have already had other children.

Unless you have witnessed or even experienced a doula at work before, however, you may be wondering just what it is that a doula does for a mother and the rest of her support team during labor.  The general answer to this question is that doulas provide continuous physical, emotional, and informational support to laboring mothers.  To expand upon this response, I’ve listed below a few particular examples of what this support may entail.  For what it’s worth, all of these examples are types of support that I have either tried myself or that my own doula used to comfort me during the birth of my second child.

Emotional support

• Believe it or not, sometimes a woman can get so caught up in the intensity and power of her labor that she actually forgets that she is having a baby.  Gently reminding the mother that “each contraction brings you closer to your baby” or “you are getting closer to holding your baby in your arms” can do wonders for a mother who has temporarily lost sight of the purpose of all of the hard work that she is doing.
• When a mother claims, “I CAN’T do this!” there is sometimes nothing  more reassuring than to tell her that she IS doing it.  (In general, there can sometimes be nothing more emotionally reassuring than to remind the mother of her incredible strength!)
• If a mother desires, a doula can remain by her side for the entirety of labor and delivery.  While a doula’s role is never to replace the role of the partner or other loved ones, her calming presence can help to reassure the mother and her other support persons about the normalcy of the various physiological and emotional aspects of labor.
• In that same vein, a doula can help to guard the privacy and sacredness of the labor experience for the mother and her partner.  For instance, if she notes that the parents are sharing an empowering or tender moment together, she can wait outside the room and kindly ask a nurse or other care provider to wait for a few minutes before entering the room.

Physical support

• While only some doulas are also licensed as massage therapists, most doulas have some experience or training in helpful massage techniques during labor.  Massaging the mothers legs in active labor, gently stroking her arms in between contractions to increase her endorphin levels, or even performing counterpressure on her lower back during back labor can all provide welcome physical comfort to a laboring mom.
• Many doulas will have hot water bottles, heat-able rice packs, or cool backs in their “doula bags.”  These hot and cold remedies can provide soothing relief to aching backs or thighs.
• Doulas often have knowledge of many positions that the laboring mother can take to help rotate a posterior baby, help the baby to descend, facilitate the progress of labor, soothe back labor, or even  help the mother to get in a variety of effective pushing positions.
• A doula can model various physical support measures for the mother’s partner or other loved ones so that they can play a more active role in the labor.  One position that many couples enjoy (and one that helps to facilitate labor and relieve some discomfort) is slow-dancing.  This not only brings the couple more emotionally close to one another but also allows the doula or other support person access to the mother’s back for counter-pressure or massage.
• A doula will remind the mother to change positions often in order to relieve discomfort and to encourage labor progression.  She will also remind the mother to drink (and possibly eat) after each contraction so that she stays well-hydrated and keeps up her energy for the hard work ahead of her.

Informational support

• I ended up needing to switch OBs at 36 weeks during my second pregnancy, and the first person I turned to was my doula!  She not only referred me to another care provider but also (because she had a good working relationship with him) called him up ahead of time to inform him that I would be contacting him.  Doulas–especially experienced ones–often have a sizeable list of community resources for their clients, resources involving everything from local OBs and midwives to prenatal yoga instructors to perinatal loss groups to nutritionists.
• When an intervention is suggested during labor, a doula can help to remind the mother and her partner that they can (and should) always ask questions about the potential risks and benefits of any procedure that is recommended, especially if they are not comfortable with the use of the intervention.
• In addition to providing labor support, most doulas also help their clients to create a birth plan.  During the birth plan meeting, the doula can provide information and offer resources regarding pain medications, cesareans, episiotomies, forceps and vacuum-assisted deliveries, and other interventions during labor.

For what it’s worth, studies have shown that all of the wonderful things that doulas do help to lead to “shorter labors with fewer complications and healthier babies who breastfeed more easily.”  Doula support can also help to reduce the need for cesareans and other interventions such as forcep and vacuum deliveries.  These benefits are all worth celebrating and appreciating during International Doula Month–and every month!

Act 3: A philosophical orientation

Many of my friends and family members know that I have, at best, a tenuous relationship with academic philosophy.  I often compare it to a relationship with a bad boyfriend who is rude, demeaning, and altogether emotionally abusive.  And then just as I’m getting ready to pack it all up and leave for good (which I would encourage anyone to do if s/he were in such a relationship with another person), something happens–a paper gets accepted to a conference, I get a compliment from a professor, I read a section of my dissertation that strikes me as not completely inane–and I think, “Aww hell, I’ll give you another chance, honey!”  (Again, if one of my friends found him or herself in a similar situation, I’d tell them to GET THE HELL OUT and LEAVE THE BASTARD BEHIND!)

Unfortunately, I often transfer my dissatisfaction with academic philosophy to philosophy in general.  And then I start doubting my own abilities (it’s called “internalizing the abuse”) and wondering whether or not I even have the philosophical chops to stick out this whole grad school thing.    (Don’t cry for me, though.  The only thing that separates me from a PhD are 100-or-so pages that I need to write in my dissertation, and I’ll be damned if don’t finish it!)

But then just as I’m wondering whether or not my work in philosophy has just been a passing obsession, I realize that I am now (irreparably?) oriented toward the world as a philosopher–even when it comes to my current work as a doula and birth advocate.  For example:

What was I doing two hours after A was born?  I was commenting to a friend about how his birth revealed to me a concrete example of relational autonomy.  How did I respond to Hanna Rosin’s (ridiculous) article on breastfeeding?  I analyzed the concepts of oppression and social relationships.  How do I describe my love of doula-work?  I explain that it allows me to put my feminist and philosophical ideals into practice.  (That and, of course, it affords me the honor and privilege of bearing witness to the astounding and miraculous beauty of childbirth.) 

In fact, I’ve even absorbed Simone de Beauvoir’s conception of ambiguity into the way that I wonder about the world.  It popped up in the following conversation with Tim the other day:

Me: Tim, you know what’s weird?

Tim:  Everything that Willard Scott says on The Today Show?

Me: Well, yes, that.  But think about this—to me, the span of my life is everything to me.  It’s all of the time that I will ever have.  But in the grand scheme of things—if I’m considering the entirety of the history of the world (which, for the record, has lasted much longer than 4000 years)—my life span is only a miniscule speck on the “big” timeline.  I’m simultaneously everything and nothing.  My lifespan is everything to me, but it’s a relative nothing when considered in a larger context.

Tim: Yep.

Me: And then think about this–on this planet alone, what started out as a bunch of slime has progressed all the way to M and A, our two beautiful, amazing boys.  And in all of this tension between “everything” and “nothing,” my love for them and the meaning that they give to my life is total and all-encompassing.  Isn’t that incredible?

Tim: Yep.

Me: Do you think that I’m a big nerd?

Tim: Yep.  And that’s why I love you.

Me: Good.  Let’s go get some ice cream.

Doulas of CNY

When I discovered that I was pregnant with A, our second son, I knew immediately that we would hire a doula for his birth.  I was planning a VBAC and a natural birth, and research has shown that having a doula present during labor and delivery can help to increase the success of both.  Little did I know, however, that the person I spoke to on the phone would become not only my doula but also my friend and mentor.

After an amazingly successful VBAC (and waterbirth, thanks to the suggestion of my doula, Chris!), I was so inspired by Chris’s care and compassion and skills–and by the very nature of what a doula does for pregnant and laboring women–that I decided to look into becoming a doula myself.  I attended a training taught by her business partner, Julie, I bonded with and learned from the other women who comprise “Doulas of CNY,” and I was even lucky enough to attend a birth with Chris this past March.  And while I honestly doubt that I will ever find anything comparable to Doulas of CNY wherever else I go, I feel blessed to have begun my work as a doula here with them.

(I will also miss the incredible mother-to-mother support I received from the wonderful women of ICAN of Syracuse.  From fellow birth junkies to fellow VBAC warriors, from the co-leaders to the new moms that visit the group each month, I thank them all for their inspiration and encouragement!)

Gentile’s

When Tim and I moved to Syracuse from Chicago five years ago, we feared that we were headed for some serious food-related disappointment.  No, correct that: we knew that we were in for some serious food-disappointment.  And I don’t even think that one needs to be a Chicago-snob (such as myself) to have made that conclusion: from pizza to hot dogs to blocks of decadently delicious Indian and Mexican food, nobody does food better than Chicago.

But then we found Gentile’s.

Gentile’s was probably the best-kept secret in Syracuse a few years ago, although I doubt that it is all that “secret” anymore.  Tim and I were only lucky enough to find it because it was right around the corner from our apartment.  (We’re lazy like that.)  It has an unassuming facade (and actually sits underneath an adult bookstore), but it’s menu is out-of-this-world good.  In fact, Chef Gentile creates some of the most spectacular dishes that I have ever tasted.  Ever.

Oat-encrusted strawberries stuffed with smoked-salmon cream cheese.  Jumbo shrimp in arugula pesto accompanied by a fried lemon risotto cake.  Calamari with blood-orange and chili dipping sauce.  And Tim’s favorite, the famous penne with vodka sauce.  (It’s simple–simply amazing, that is.)  

We’ve celebrated birthdays, anniversaries, and, sadly, our last night out with our dear friends A & R at Gentile’s.  Heck, we’ve even visited the restaurant just to “celebrate” the fact that the chef had created a new seasonal menu!  Needless to say, we will sorely miss its warmth and its consistently delicious food…and those stuffed strawberries!

(We’ll also miss the yummy offerings at Pascale’s Bakehouse, Empire Brewing Company, The Blue Tusk, Dinosaur BBQ, Sahota Palace, Bistro Elephante, and Gannon’s ice cream.)

Beak & Skiff Apple Farm

We have gone apple-picking with our dear friends, A & R, every year since our first year here in Syracuse (when we were all newly-wed and childless).  Although we haven’t always gone to Beak & Skiff for the occasion, this farm has become our favorite apple-picking site.  Sweet, juicy apples, gallons of apple cider, tractor rides, rows and rows of apple trees, warm apple fritters, and an afternoon of hot cider and A’s delicious apple crisp have all become part of a fall tradition–and one that we hope to continue if we can make it out this way in October!

Beak & Skiff

So we’ll miss Beak & Skiff, not just because it is a charming apple farm, but also because it has been a yearly mark of a growing, beautiful friendship–one that has seen us through pregnancies, babies, first steps, and even first apple-bites!

(We’ll also miss the various berry patches in Baldwinsville, Pratt’s Falls, Ithaca, Skaneateles, the shores of Lake Ontario, and the many other natural ”wonders” of the area.)

My past week as a doula has been a week of heartache and triumph.  I attended two beautiful births with two incredibly strong, knowledgeable and inspiring mothers.

Although I couldn’t have known it ahead of time–although no one could have known it ahead of time–the birth I attended last Thursday turned out to be the first cesarean section I attended as a doula.  It was my third birth, and I suppose that just goes to show that the statistics have really panned out for me.  (Currently, the cesarean rate in the United States stands somewhere between 31-34%.)  One out of three.  One out of three…  (Yet I still ask myself, “Isn’t the cesarean rate supposed to be lower for doula-attended births…?”)

After laboring beautifully–completely unmedicated, mobile and upright through most of her labor, pushing for nearly four hours in a variety of positions, and greeting the majority of her labor with humor (yes–humor!) and grace–my courageous and inspiring client ended up with a cesarean for a posterior baby who would simply not descend (or rotate, for that matter).  While I’ve obsessively re-examined her labor to figure out just what I could have done differently as a doula, I don’t know whether I’m relieved or heartbroken to realize that I’m not sure that I could have done anything differently–especially since there were no signs that the baby was posterior until the last hour of pushing.

But that doesn’t change the aching and sinking feeling I felt when, after greeting the mother in recovery, she looked up at me with tears welling in her eyes and whispered, “Kristen, I tried.”  I cried with her and reminded her of just how strong and amazing and inspirational she was and of just how much she not only tried but did.

And I cried all the way home.

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I needed something “different” for my next client’s birth.  As I told my husband, “I need a triumphant birth!”  (How selfish of me to “need” something from my clients’ births, I know…)

I became understandably concerned when my next client informed me that one of the obstetricians in her group (a very high-ranking obstetrician in the US, for that matter) was pressuring her to have a cesarean because her baby was “measuring large.”  Yes, at an estimated 9 lbs. 13 oz., her baby was measuring  “large for gestational age.”  But this does not mean that she needed a cesarean, especially since a) she had already birthed a 9 lb. baby and b) she was planning on being upright, mobile, and unmedicated during her labor and delivery.  (Henci Goer has a great section on birthing “large” babies in her wonderful, educational book, The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth.)

I am proud to say that my knowledgeable, incredibly strong-willed client refused the cesarean and declared that she wanted to “let nature take it’s course.”

I am even more proud to say that at 10:32 this morning, my knowledgeable, incredibly strong client birthed her 11 lb. 10 oz. baby after pushing for only seventeen minutes.  She avoided an unnecessary cesarean, she proved her obstetrician wrong, and she demonstrated her unwavering faith in her body in the process.  A triumphant birth indeed.

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So while the triumphant birth of this (yes, I’ll admit it) big baby in no way “cancels out” the heartache I feel over my other client’s cesarean section, it at least shows me that, as a doula, I can–and should–expect these emotional peaks and valleys all throughout my career.  I will assist mothers who have necessary cesareans, and, unfortunately, I will probably assist mothers whose cesareans could have been prevented.  I will assist mothers who “fight the power” and refuse to be unnecessarily sectioned, and I will assist mothers who might even opt for an elective cesarean.  I will assist mothers who birth big and small, healthy and unhealthy, and hospital-born and home-born babies.  I will assist mothers who feel empowered by their birth experiences, and I will assist mothers who grieve what they lost during their birth experience.

But if I can reflect at least at least one-tenth of the strength, courage, and inspiration that all of my mothers show to me, then I should feel as least partly triumphant about my own work as a doula.  One mother, and one baby at a time.